How do you feel about your emotions?

Maybe that seems like a weird question but humor me and think about it: when you’re having a difficult feeling–anger, anxiety, sadness, whatever–how do you feel about it? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed or silly? Do you judge your (negative) feelings? You’re not alone if you do. So many of us think of our feelings as dumb or unnecessary. But that is simply not the case.

In fact, your emotions are a biological necessity. Our brains have evolved to have both primary and secondary emotions ON PURPOSE. They keep us safe; they keep us connected to others; and they help us understand ourselves. So when my clients begin a sentence with, “this is so dumb,” I interrupt them. Your feelings are not dumb. We are not here to judge them. We are here to figure out why you’re having them and how to cope with them in a productive and healthy way.

It’s so much easier to minimize our feelings, especially when they’re unpleasant. Dismissing them seems like an effective way to make them go away. But the tricky thing about emotions is they don’t just disappear into the ether. If you don’t find a way to express them, they will find another way out.

So the next time you find yourself thinking or saying, “This is so dumb but I’m sad,” lose the first part. It’s not dumb to be sad or angry or afraid or overwhelmed. It’s a necessary part of being human and an important signal for your brain to pay attention and deal with whatever it is. If you need help with that part, you know where to find me.